Waking Up Alone
by kit-kat-151
Summary: My ending to "lightofathousandsuns"'s Bloody Kisses,Strawberry Smiles. She held a contest on deviantART to write an ending - I came third. Hope you like it :D It is a bit fluffier than Bloody Kisses - but that is just how I write


**This is my ending for lightofathousandsuns' '_Bloody Kisses, Strawberry Smiles'_ which is a truly fantastic story.  
She held a contest on deviantART to write an ending and this was my entry (I came third)  
I seriously suggest reading her story before reading this, it is AMAZING!**

**Waking up Alone**

It was already midday by the time Beyond Birthday sleepily opened his eyes. His first instinct was to panic; he had no recollection of this room, this bed, these perfectly clean sheets….._where the hell am I?_ B closed his eyes again to think, he remembered being on the plane with L, and he had some vague memory of getting into a car afterwards. He recalled being mildly amused by said car, which was almost identical to the one they had left in Japan.

Opening his eyes again the 19 year old looked around at the walls frantically, looking for something, anything to tell him where he was.

Everything was white, well pale pink to B's eyes, but he knew by now that this would be white to anyone else. As he woke up more fully he was able to take in the details of his surroundings and breathed a sigh of relief as his cursed eyes fell upon the logo on the duvet he had been sleeping under, a single letter, black on the white background, 'L'.

_So, does this mean I am in L's bedroom?_ B felt a surge of delight at the thought, but not enough to displace the concern he felt for the missing genius. _Calm down Beyond!_ He ordered himself, _he's probably fine._ The ruby eyed man looked around him again, visually exploring his Lawli's bedroom. _God, he's full of himself!_ B smiled in amusement at the little black 'Ls' printed on almost everything in the room.

The door opened silently and B only just noticed the movement in his peripheral vision as he continued to examine the strangely sparse and somewhat egotistical décor. He turned his gaze instantly towards the movement, "Lawli?" he called anxiously, unsure what to do if it turned out to be anyone else.

"Oh, you're awake," came the reply in a voice so heavenly that it could only belong to the World's Greatest Detective. "I just went to get us some breakfast." The beautiful raven-esque man came into view now, carrying with him a silver tray adorned with what appeared to be a pile of cupcakes and unless B was very much mistaken **three** jars of jam.

L carefully placed the slightly over-burdened tray onto his bedside cabinet, noticing the grin his copy was trying to hide, "They are not all for you Beyondi-chan" he smiled as the obviously unappreciated nickname wiped the smile of off his lover's face. Beyond appeared to be contemplating violence again and L unconsciously stepped back, only to feel immensely guilty for his mistrust when B settled for sticking his tongue out playfully. L hoped the younger man hadn't noticed and he was quick to distract him, leaning in nervously to kiss the ruby eyed man. He had only intended it as a brief kiss, but it would seem Beyond had other ideas.

_Whoa! Breakfast in bed and a kiss? Lawli's getting braver!_ Beyond pulled Lawliet down onto the bed, rolling on top of him and parting the detective's soft lips with his tongue, causing the older man to moan softly as the jam lover's tongue darted inside. _Wonder if he wants more of me inside him?_ B's mind flashed back to images of L crying out in pleasure, arms tight around his back and long slender legs hooked over his shoulders. Beyond broke away from the kiss, _I can't push this, not now, he needs to know that's not all I think about....Oh fuck it, it __**is**__ all I can think about._  
"Lawli I, I think we should have breakfast now." B felt himself blush as L looked up at him, first in confusion, and then sudden realisation, the raven's own cheeks turning slightly pink as he understood.

"Oh, I'm sorry Beyond; I didn't mean to, I mean I want to, but...." L stumbled over the words, "......It's just not really an appropriate time and I have to meet with my successors soon, and hopefully introduce them to you, and I don't think they would want to hear us, well, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Beyond sat up against the headboard, secretly pleased that he could reduce the famously eloquent and indifferent 'L' to a babbling mess with only a kiss. _Hang on...what?!_

"Lawli?" he asked suspiciously "Lawli, did you say you wanted to introduce me to them?!"  
"Yes, that's right, after all I did say a long time ago that I needed to try and be more personable with the children," L looked into his lover's bright red and somewhat pain filled eyes. "I know I failed back then, but maybe, I can avoid making the same mistakes again this time."

B wrapped one arm around the detective whilst reaching silently for a jam jar from the silver tray. "Lawli? Are you going to tell them then? About us?" B chose not to comment on Lawliet's reference to the past; he didn't want to think about that right now, he was anxious to focus on the future, their future, together.

"Yes, I plan to be completely honest with them," L replied plainly, watching as B's eyes widened to the extreme.  
"Completely honest?" the younger man repeated Lawliet's words as a horrified question.  
"Relax B, I don't plan to trouble them with all the gory details," L laughed as Beyond's face relaxed, but only very slightly.

* * *

"Lawli? I'm still not sure about this." B complained for the seventh time as they walked through the corridors of their former home, "Maybe you should talk to them first, I mean warn them about me or something."  
"It will be fine B, so stop worrying about it, they are just kids." L told him lazily, getting extremely fed up with repeating himself.  
"But L, they know that I….." B paused, _How much do they know?_ "They know that I kidnapped you, and well, hopefully that's all but…….." he trailed off; surely L could understand what he was getting at.

L turned around to face his copy, who had taken to being a shadow instead, walking slightly behind the original, as if hoping not to be noticed, "Beyond," he spoke softly "The only people who know exactly what took place in that warehouse are standing in this corridor now. Yes, Watari is aware of some of the incidents but he isn't likely to betray my trust in him by telling a bunch of children about it. Ok?" L reached out a hand to the jam lover, who took it hesitantly, still unconvinced as L turned and continued towards his successors' bedrooms.

* * *

If L hadn't been looking where he was going he was almost certain that he wouldn't have seen the small red head hurtling towards him until moments before they collided, as it was however, he was able to pull Beyond out of the boy's path and the two of them stared in shock after the young gamer, running blindly through the corridors, clearly very upset.

Whilst B continued to stare in confusion after the crying boy, L turned back towards the room Matt had run from, the one he shared with Mello, no doubt it was the blonde who had upset him, L was well aware of Mihael's slightly dark and somewhat unbalanced temperament. He had seen Matt's scars on his last visit.

"B, I think we may have to change our plan," L suggested _I should probably make sure Mello isn't doing anything weird which might give B ideas_ "I will check on Near and Mello myself, could you possibly track down Matt for me? See if you can get him to come back please" L knew he had given B the harder task, trying to calm down and reason with a crying child, _I wonder if he will be able to get him to come back though, I know I couldn't, but then he is definitely better with people than I am._

* * *

"Stupid Near!" Matt mumbled to himself, trampling aggressively on a medium sized twig, which gave a satisfying 'snap' under his boots. _I was Mello's friend, his best friend! We were supposed to be like brothers!_ The young gamer stroked the raised scar across his palm as he stormed angrily through the vast gardens of the orphanage, hating the fact that Near now wore an identical scar, much fresher than his, it had been sickening to watch as Mello repeated the action which had bonded them together all those years ago, but this time dragging the blade across the young albino's hand instead of Matt's, then pressing it tightly to his own bleeding palm. _It's not like I'm jealous of the little snowman! He can have him, I never wanted him like that, I just need him to need me. I don't want to be replaced._ Matt sat down miserably against a large oak tree, _Our tree_ he thought bitterly to himself. _Bet Mell's gonna bring 'Nancy' Near here too._

"Mail?" Matt froze at the sound of his real name, only Mello, Near and some of the grown ups knew his real name and this voice was not one he recognised. He listened as the voice called his name again, apparently searching for him. Matt quietly climbed into the tree with well practised movements, peering out from the cover of the leaves at the figure wandering across the gardens, _**L?**_ he thought at first _No, don't be stupid, that's not L's voice, and he is dressed in black, definitely not L._ Matt leaned out across one of the larger boughs of the tree stretching forward for a better look, and that was when the figure turned to face him. _Those eyes! That's the boy from the picture on the website! Beyond Birthday!_

Beyond saw the movement as the boy lost his balance in the tree, for a moment B was sure he was going to fall and hurried towards the him, but the boy did not fall, or if he did it was well disguised as a jump, he landed lightly on his feet, almost feline in his stance as he glared up at the copy.  
"You!" he spat angrily. "What did you do to L?"  
"Mail," B began softly. _I knew they were going to hate me…_  
"Why do you call me that?!" the redhead yelled at him. _Fuck _- B suddenly realised his mistake, he was out of practice at calling people by code names. It just seemed natural to say the name he could see.  
"L told me that was your name," he lied quickly "and I haven't hurt him I promise." _not in the last day or so anyway._  
"Really?" Matt asked suspiciously, "Why are you here? Where is he?"  
"Didn't you see him earlier? You nearly knocked both of us over when you ran away from your room." B was slightly relieved that the boy hadn't noticed them holding hands. "And I am here because he is, L asked me to come after you whilst he went to sort out your room mate."

Matt found this easy enough to believe, it made sense that L would be more interested in Mello and Near than him, It had always been that way, L would spend hours with Mello and even longer with Near whenever he was at Wammy's, but the most Matt ever got was half an hour here or there whenever L could fit him in around the other two. He knew he shouldn't resent L's clear preference for them, but it still hurt that he had sent this weird copycat to find him, as if mocking Matt's position, he knew from their research that B had been second in line, like Mello, but there had been no mention of a third child in their generation.

Matt remembered how he had stayed up thinking about it the night they had hacked into the website…..wondering what it really meant to be number three. He had accepted a long time ago that he would not surpass Mello, simply because he didn't think the blonde could cope if he did, so he had stopped trying, given up everything for his best friend, but what did that matter now? _Mello doesn't need me anymore. Not now that he has stupid Near, I thought he was supposed to hate the little sheep boy anyway._ Matt shook his head to try and get rid of the images which had started popping up, instinctively tracing his scar again as he thought of Mello.

"Good luck to him then." he replied to Beyond bitterly.  
"Sorry?" B responded puzzled by the boy's tone, "what exactly happened to upset you?" he asked as he recognised the look on Mail Jeevas' face, it was a look he had seen in the mirror a long time ago, rejection, worthlessness, this was the look of someone who had just had their world flipped, who had realised they meant nothing to the one person that mattered. Instinctively he reached out an arm to hug the child, who backed away from him in fear.  
"You don't have to talk about it," he told the young redhead softly, sitting down beside the tree. "How much do you know about me…Matt? He asked hesitantly, motioning for the boy to sit down with him.

* * *

L opened the door to Mello's room in one fast movement, he didn't want to give the boy a chance to hide whatever it was he was upto, but by the time he had opened the door fully he was already wishing he hadn't. The blonde lay topless on his bed, Near beside him, sleeping with his head resting on the older boys chest. Their bloody hands entwined on Mello's stomach.  
"Hi L," the blonde called lazily from the bed - apparently he was going to pretend that there wasn't a small pool of partially congealed blood on his body, or that it was no big deal.  
"Hello boys, it's nice to see you again" L replied, his tone of voice contrasting dramatically with the cheerful sentence.  
"L?" Near called sleepily as L's voice awoke him, "L?!" the young albino pulled his hand out of Mello's, quickly hiding it behind him.  
"There is no use in hiding it now Near," L told him. "I suggest both of you come with me to the nurse's room. I trust this was your idea Mello?"  
"Will he get in trouble?" Near butted in before the blonde could answer.  
"It wasn't really a question," L responded as the boys got off of Mello's bed, "Please don't get into the habit of taking the blame for him Near."  
"Of course it was my idea." Mello grinned as he pulled on a tight black vest, followed by a sleeveless leather jacket. "It was a great idea, so it was obviously mine."

* * *

Half an hour later Mello and Near were escorted out of the nurses office, Mello knew L was deliberately walking between them, just to be annoying. He had insisted on holding their un-bandaged hands in order to keep them apart, but neither boy had complained yet, Mello guessed Near's brain was full of the same questions as his.

"Is it true you were kidnapped by that Beyond kid?" The blonde asked, slightly missing the concerned tone he was aiming for and sounding excitedly interested instead.  
"Yes. He did kidnap me." L replied, and Mello was surprised to see that he was smiling about it. Near had noticed too and both of them slowed down, eyeing their hero suspiciously, L wasn't exactly known for smiling at anything unless it was coated in sugar, and neither of them had ever known him to smile at the mere memory of something.

Mello could feel the competition in the air; a mental battle between the top two students had begun, each of them desperate to solve this new mystery before the other. He glanced sideways at the albino boy; it would seem that he was winning, as always.

"Where are we going?" Near asked suspiciously, something had definitely changed in L, and he was determined to find out what it was.  
"To find Matt….." L paused, Near guessed he was preparing himself for whatever was coming next. "….and Beyond." L finished his sentence and both boys stopped in their tracks.  
"You mean Beyond Birthday?!" Mello demanded angrily. "You brought that monster here?!"  
"Mello, I'm sure L has a perfectly rational reason for this." Near cut in, it was just like Mello to overreact.  
"No, I don't think it's rational." L replied thoughtfully, "but then, neither is slicing your hands open." He smiled at them and Near's train of thought fell apart. His brain refused to process this. L was always rational.

Near glanced at Mello, surprised to see that instead of the blank confusion he was feeling, Mello's face showed a look which was perhaps a cross between horror and something close to delight or joy.  
"Wow. L, I didn't know you had it in you." Mello said in awe. "You're in love."  
"What?!" Near stared between the blonde and his hero, "Love?"

* * *

_This is nice;_ L thought to himself, _it's almost like having a family, all the people I care about in one room._ L looked to his right, watching Mello and Near arguing amiably over some petty dispute. He tried to work out what it was that had caused the row, whatever it was it appeared to involve missing pieces of Near's blank puzzle. L was just about to intervene when Beyond's voice caught him off guard, turning his attention back to the TV in front of him, and the amazing man sitting on the floor by his feet.

"Use the baseball bat!" B laughed as Matt continued to slaughter the citizens of Vice City. B had never really been too interested in violent games, preferring to go for the real thing, but nevertheless he found himself enjoying video games with the young redhead. "Oh come on, no one dies like that!" he exclaimed as a prostitute fell victim to Matt's chainsaw, "There should be way more blood if you're cutting someone with......" B didn't finish his sentence as L kicked him from his place on the sofa behind them. "What was that for?" he demanded turning to face the detective.

L sighed and got up from the sofa, grabbing Beyond by the wrist and pulling him to his feet, "Sorry Matt, I need a private word with B, we'll just be a minute." He led the copy out of the room, and once in the corridor closed the door behind them.

"You going to explain why you kicked me now?" B asked, clearly a little hurt by his lover's seemingly random violence.  
"Yes." L stated simply. "I don't want you talking about…" the detective paused, "…about killing people in front of the children."  
"Oh? And what would you have me talk to them about Lawli?" Beyond grinned, glancing quickly down the corridor to check it was empty before pinning the older man roughly against the wall. "Should I tell them about this?" He whispered in L's ear, "About how I can't stop thinking about you even for a second…" The younger man kissed the detective's neck softly, "I love you Lawliet." B lowered his head to rest on L's shoulder now, wrapping his arms around the detective. "Do you realise it was that room over there? Room 13A?" Beyond whispered, his voice breaking slightly, his red eyes closed tightly as he wrapped his arms around L.  
"What was over there B?" L asked, worried now, feeling B's chest heave as he sobbed into his shoulder. "What's wrong B? What happened over there? Why are you crying?" L pushed B back slightly, looking deeply into crimson eyes as they opened, tears still streaming down the younger man's cheeks.  
"That's where I fell in love with you." B gazed back into L's dark eyes, "about eight years ago."

L wiped the tears away from his lover's face, and pulled him closer. He didn't know what to say, he knew what he wanted to say, but he knew he wouldn't say it, not yet. Despite knowing how much B needed to hear those words L just couldn't say them, instead he kissed the younger man softly on the cheek, "wait." he whispered, letting go of B's body and returning briefly to the room they had just left.

_Wait?_ B repeated the word in his mind _Okay Lawli, I will. I will wait as long as you need me to. _B sat down against the wall where L had left him. It was strange for him, being back here, so many memories bombarded him as he glanced around the corridors, memories of the other children, the way they had avoided him, hated him for being different; those memories didn't bother him so much now, not the way they had at the time. The hardest memories now were the happy ones, before A had changed, before L had hurt him, the times when everything had been perfect, when it had just been A and B, when he had loved the detective from afar, of course, that part was better now, now that he could love him properly, but there was no A, he hadn't missed A so much in a long time, after he had died, B had been too messed up, too angry to truly grieve for his best friend, he had focussed everything on L, on unwarranted revenge. _I'm sorry Alleck, I'm sorry I never came back, that I never came to visit._

* * *

B watched contently as his insomniac slept, he laughed quietly at the contradiction there, stroking the raven's hair softly, _looks like I definitely know how to tire him out._ B smirked to himself, sliding out of bed silently and pulling on his discarded boxers. He got dressed quietly and kissed L's forehead softly before he left. _Should I leave a note or something? He might worry if he wakes up._ B looked around Lawliet's perfectly tidy room, and finding a personalised stationary set in the desk drawer he wrote hurriedly….

_Lawli,_

Gone to visit Alleck. Sorry. Need to do this alone.

Beyond

B made his way across the grounds of Wammy's House, towards the place where they had buried his best friend. He had never gone back, in the three years after A's death Beyond had avoided this part of the orphanage's vast gardens. He hadn't been able to face it back then, but he was older now, wiser, he was in a much healthier place than he had been back then.

It was dark, and having avoided the place for so long B was unsure that he would find it again, but he needn't have worried, his feet remembered the path, even though his eyes did not recognise it, the trees had grown, bushes had been cut back and flower beds completely re-planted, he stopped at one of them, selecting a dark crimson bloom, _maybe I should have asked Lawli more about flowers_ he thought, but he knew he couldn't have asked L about this, this was something he needed to do by himself.

Beyond approached the marble headstone slowly, suddenly nervous, unsure what to say. He knelt on the ground beside the small mound, he was pleased that it had not been allowed to grow wild, someone had been here recently, there were fresh flowers on the grave, and the grass had been cut back around it. He placed the single flower he had picked with the others. "You always did like things to be neat," he whispered "we were so different, you and me, but we were friends, you were my best friend A, in fact you still are the only friend I've ever had." B traced the fat little cherub engraved on the headstone with his fingers, "but you were right A, I do love him, and you'll never believe it but he loves me too, he hasn't said it yet, but I know he does. Alleck, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't come back before, I never forgot about you though, never." B knew he was rambling, jumping from one thing to the next, but he was just saying things as they came to mind. "I know I'm not making any sense but I feel like I have so much to tell you, I'm ashamed though, I don't want to tell you what I did. Have you been watching? Did you see me kill all those people A? I hope you didn't, I hope you're happy in the next world, or wherever it is you went to."

* * *

It was midnight by the time Beyond Birthday sleepily opened his eyes, surprised to find himself alone, He had climbed back into bed beside the sleeping detective after returning from A's grave, taking back the unread note he had left. The jam lover sat up warily; this was the second time he had woken up alone here. He glanced at the digital display on L's Alarm clock; 12:02AM. _Too early for breakfast, where is he?_ The numbers cast a red glow across the bedside table, revealing a single sheet of paper. B frowned at it, he was sure he had put the note in the back pocket of his jeans, he reached out to take the paper, it was not his note, it was a new one…..

_Beyond,_

_Couldn't sleep, gone for a walk._

_Lawli_

_P.S. I love you_

**Well thanks for reading and please let me know what you think of my writing :D**


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